Ep 06 - Deep in the Belly of Depression: Reggie's Story

In this powerful episode of Health, Healing, and Hope, Reggie Alvarez shares his journey of faith, service, and the hidden battle he fought with depression. For years, he wore “the mask,” outwardly strong but silently struggling. His story reveals how one honest question from his wife opened the door to vulnerability, healing, and hope. Through Scripture, honesty, and community, Reggie reminds us that we don’t have to suffer in silence—healing begins when we take off the mask.

Transcript

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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to Health Healing and Hope. I'm your host, Niki Hope Presley. Thank you for being here. There are so many other places you could be, but you chose to spend your time with me and I am so grateful. Each week we explore the real stories and practical truths that help us move from hiding to healing and from surviving to thriving. Today's episode is part of our shared story segment, which I'm so excited about, where we hear directly from courageous people who have walked through valleys faced challenges and discovered hope on the other side. These stories remind us that healing isn't just theory, it's lived experience. But before we delve into our shared story, I'd like to recap the previous episode, move it or lose it. If you haven't had a chance to listen, please make sure you do. These last few weeks have been very difficult for me, and incorporating some intentional physical activity has been an incredible help. In the last episode, I emphasize the importance of movement, not only for our physical health, but also for our mental health. And also don't forget, stay tuned for more information about our seven day Move It or Lose It Challenge. Okay? I wanna make sure you get a chance to check that out. But let's get into today's episode. I'd like to share a powerful testimony from my dear friend, Reggie Alvarez. His story is one of ministry struggle, vulnerability, and ultimately healing. Listen to this special music. Open Your Heart and your Mind. This is shared story.

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What holds within it lessens hope and the undeniable truth that you are still. Here. Every challenge you faced, every scar you carry, and every obstacle you've overcome a part of a testimony that can light the way for someone else. When you share your story, you don't just release your, you permit others to do the, you remind them that they're not alone Perspective. An inspiration in ways you may never fully realize. At Health Healing and Hope. We believe stories are medicine. They bridge gaps, open hearts and nurture communities where healing can flourish. This section is dedicated to honoring voices, yours, mine, and those of others who have chosen to give a voice to their story. Of silence and moving towards healing instead of remaining and hiding. It is a seed of healing, a spark of hope, and a reminder that]. In the Bible, Jonah chapter two verses one through seven. In the good news translation, it reads. From deep inside the fish, Jonah prayed to the Lord his God in my distress. Oh Lord. I called to you and you answered me from deep in the world of the dead. I cried for help and you heard me. You threw me down into the depths to the very bottom of the sea where the waters were all around me, and all your mighty waves rolled over me. I thought I had been banished from your presence and would never see your holy temple again. The water came over me and choked me. The sea covered me completely and seaweed wrapped around my head. I went down to the very roots of the mountain into the land whose gates lock shut forever. But you Oh Lord, my God brought me back from the depths. Alive when I felt my life slipping away. Then, oh Lord, I prayed to you and in your holy temple. You heard me. Grace and peace. My name is Reggie Alvarez and I first wanna thank my dear friend Natiki for creating spaces for stories like mine. Stories of people who have faced challenge hurts valleys and struggles, yet also experience mountains of victory. Thank you for sharing these testimonies with the hope of encouraging others who may be walking through their own battles. This is part of my journey, not only what I've overcome, but what I'm still overcoming. A little bit about me. This December 17th will mark 30 years of walking with the Lord. Over that time, God has opened doors I never could have imagined. I've served as a full-time minister for 15 years, been a youth leader for over two decades. I've managed and choreographed for a step team. I started 20 years ago while teaching kindergarten for the same 20 years. In all the while traveling the world as a missionary, I've had the privilege of leading weddings, funerals, sweet sixteens, counseling families, and ministering to people of all ages. My life has been fully immersed in service, and I genuinely love it. I love being used by God to pour into the lives of others, but what most people didn't know is what I never dared to admit. Was that for nearly 10 years while I was pouring into everyone else, I was silently battling depression as a man and especially a black man. Depression wasn't something I thought I could ever acknowledge. The stigma was too heavy growing up. No one ever talked about mental health in the eighties and nineties. People struggling were often dismissed as crazy. If you saw a therapist or called to shrink in those days, you were made fun of. Back then, we didn't have the language for depression, so people like me simply suffered in silence. I became a master of the mask. I outwardly, I was friendly, outgoing, and always present for others. Inwardly I was drowning. When I was alone, the mask came off. I often stayed in bed with the blinds drawn and the lights off. I isolated myself. I stopped caring for myself sometimes neglecting even basic hygiene. I overate and though I always thought about God, I wasn't really talking to him. I wasn't praying like I should. Neglecting my relationship with him. Looking back now, I believe the roots of my depression traced back to 1999 to 2000 when I served as a missionary in Europe. I lived overseas for a year traveling through the Czech Republic, Holland, London, and even South Africa. And at first it was amazing, but within four to five months. The inner battles began. Doing missions with a team is one thing. Doing it alone is another. Loneliness began to weigh on me. I faced cultural barriers and racism. People would stare and point, and some places no one would help me, and few would even speak to me. Over time, I began shutting down emotionally. When I returned to the US, things got worse. I came home with no job, no home, and no clear direction. After having given up everything to go overseas, I now realize I was experiencing reverse culture shock in Europe every day, had a sense of purpose. Back home, I felt empty, invisible, and without value. And I never told anyone. Still I managed to function. I masked it well enough that most people never noticed, but everything began to change when I got married. I met my incredible wife, Monique, in 2007, and we married in 2012. By then I had become skilled at hiding my depression, but marriage meant someone was now close enough to see what others couldn't. Monique noticed my lack of self-care. My indifference, my withdrawal. Our arguments became heated because I didn't know how to explain what was happening inside me. Then one day in 2016. Monique asked me a question no one has ever asked before. Reggie, are you depressed? Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. After years of ministry counseling and friendships, no one had ever asked me that, and for the first time in my life I said yes, and then I wept bitterly. It was as though years of hurt, anger, shame, confusion, and sorrow all broke loose. That moment was the beginning of my healing. I realized then that while I hadn't been transparent, I had not been truly vulnerable. I had chosen what people could know about me, but Monique saw what no one else could. And her question opened the floodgates. Since then, God has been teaching me the importance of expressing my feelings. Something that doesn't come easily to most men, but is absolutely vital. Men struggle with depression too. We just often express it differently and sometimes it shows up. Overworking other times an obsessive exercise. For some it becomes drinking, smoking, overeating, or even adultery. These destructive behaviors are often coping mechanisms for unspoken pain. While society wants lack the language for depression, the Bible never did. We may not see the word depression in scripture, but we see the experience. Take Jonah, for example. In Jonah two, one and seven, Jonah describes crying out from the depths, overwhelmed, suffocating, and ready to die. That's what depression feels like. I've had those days where I didn't wanna get out of bed where life felt like life itself was choking me. But like Jonah, I called out and God sent help. Through his presence, through his word, and through people like my wife, and sadly, not everyone gets that help in time. I remember hearing about a pastor whose son took his own life in his suicide note. The sun wrote, I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean. I can see people around me trying to help, but they can't reach me. I'm too far. Too deep. Those words haunt me because I felt the same way before and I know so many others have too. That's why I share my story because there are people, young and old, silently struggling with suicidal thoughts and they need to hear this. You are not alone. If you're struggling, I want you to know that God hears you, he sees you, and there is someone who loves you enough to listen. If no one has asked you how you're doing, take the step of telling someone anyway. Don't make the mistake I did by masking your pain day after day. Because the more you bury what's really going on inside, the more it takes over. It can turn you bitter, cynical, and into someone you were never meant to be. My story is still being written, but I thank God for saving me, for blessing me with Monique and so many friends and family, including Natiki, for teaching me that honesty is the doorway to healing, and my prayer is this. By sharing my story, someone else will find courage to take off the mask, confess what they're going through, and begin their own journey of healing. James five 16 says this, so then confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you will be healed. The prayer of a good person has a powerful effect. Don't slip away in silence. Cry out to the Lord, and don't be afraid of reaching out to the people he brings to your mind and heart. Healing is waiting for you. All you have to do is confess in your heart, confess that you're scared, and confess that you need help. I wanna thank Reggie for sharing his story, his very powerful and impactful story. Here's something I want you to think about. Many of us know what it means to wear the mask as Reggie mentioned to be everything for everyone else while secretly drowning inside. And as Reggie shares for men and especially for black men, the stigma around mental health often makes it even harder to speak up. What strikes me is how powerful one simple question can be. Sometimes healing begins not with an answer, but with the courage to ask the right question, and the grace to answer honestly. Friends. I am so thankful for Reggie's courage in sharing his journey. His story reminds us that depression is real. It's heavy, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. But it also reminds us that healing is possible when we take off the mask, when we're willing to stop hiding and start healing. Remember, you cannot heal what you are not willing to address. Covering up something is not going to make it go away. In some cases, covering up makes things worse. As Reggie mentioned, when you keep things inside, they have a tendency to take over and to eventually make you into someone that you were never meant to be. If you're listening today and you've been silently struggling. As Reggie said, I want you to know that you're not alone. I'm right here with you. That is the purpose of this podcast, so that I can walk alongside you so that I can offer you stories that remind you that. You are not alone. You're not the only one going through these things. You're not the only one dealing with depression. Reggie has been in ministry for over 30 years and yet still struggled with depression. There's nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is not in what you're dealing with. The shame is not doing anything. About it. That wraps up today's episode of Health Healing and hope a big thank you again to Reggie for his powerful testimony. And if this story touched you, please share it with someone who needs the encouragement. And also don't forget, and I probably haven't mentioned it, so I, I shouldn't say, don't forget. But please click on the link below. I have made available a quick reflection journal for you to go through, specifically if this is for you and you're dealing with something like depression, or if it's someone you know and you wanna share it with them, and it's not a way for you. To avoid talking about it. This is not in lieu of having conversations with people or letting people know what you're dealing with, but it will help you to put some language to your story and more importantly, to help you understand, sometimes we just don't fully understand what's going on inside of us, and we need time to reflect. Until next time, thank you again for being here. And remember, you're not alone. Keep believing. Keep trusting. Keep moving towards healing. Be better today than you were yesterday and work to be better tomorrow than you are today. Be strong. Be well. Be you.